Key takeaways
- Looking forward to the festive season and dreading it at the same time is very common.
- Prepare two or three easy answers for personal questions and plan a polite exit.
- Protect your energy: prioritise visits, build in breaks and keep sleep regular.
- If the holidays feel lonely, plan ahead with friends, community events or a set call with family abroad.
The pineapple tarts are out, the mandarin oranges are stacked by the door, and the family group chat is busy planning who visits whom on the first and second day. For many people in Singapore, Chinese New Year is a highlight of the year. For many others, it also brings a knot in the stomach: the long reunion dinner, the round of house visits, and the questions from relatives that seem to get more personal every year. The same mixed feelings come up for other festive seasons too, whether it is Hari Raya open houses, Deepavali gatherings or Christmas lunches. If you look forward to the holidays and dread them at the same time, nothing is wrong with you. It is one of the most common feelings around family celebrations.
Why festive seasons can feel heavy
Holidays bring together people who don't usually spend hours in the same room. Different generations have different ideas about success, marriage, careers and how life should go. Add crowded flats, long days of visiting and lots of food, and small tensions are easily magnified.
There is also the gap between how the season is supposed to feel and how it actually feels. Advertisements show perfect happy families. Real families are more complicated. Someone is missing this year. Someone is unwell. Someone isn't speaking to someone else. That gap can bring up sadness that surprises you.
Money can add another layer. Ang bao for nephews and nieces, new clothes, gifts for the in-laws and hosting your own open house all cost something, often right after year-end expenses. If finances are tight, it is fine to keep things simpler this year. A smaller gathering, a modest ang bao or a home-cooked meal still says you care.
Agree on a simple "rescue me" signal with your partner or a sibling before the first day of visiting. It turns an awkward moment into a shared joke.
The classic questions, and how to answer them
You probably know them by heart: “Got boyfriend or not?” “When are you getting married?” “Applied for BTO already?” “Why so thin?” or “Why so fat?” “How much is your pay now?” “When are you having kids?”
Most relatives mean well, or are simply making conversation the way they always have. That doesn't make it easier. A few approaches can help:
- Prepare two or three easy answers. “No news yet, Auntie, I'll let you know!” said with a smile often closes the topic.
- Turn the question around. “How about you, Uncle, how is your grandson's new school?” People usually enjoy talking about themselves.
- Use humour if it suits you. A light joke can take the sting out without starting a fight.
- Have an exit. Offer to help in the kitchen, play with the younger cousins, or step out for some air.
- Agree on signals with your partner or sibling. A look that means “rescue me” can be surprisingly helpful.
If big gatherings make you very nervous in general, our guide on social anxiety has practical steps you can practise beforehand.
Protecting your energy during visiting days
Festive days can be physically draining too. Simple planning helps:
- Don't try to visit everyone. Decide together which houses are a priority and say no to the rest kindly.
- Build in breaks. A short rest at home between visits, or a quiet coffee with your partner, can reset your mood.
- Watch the late nights. Sleep loss makes everyone more irritable, including you.
- Go easy on yourself with food and drink. Enjoy the bak kwa and kueh, but drink water and get some movement in, even a walk around the estate.
- Keep one tradition that is just yours. A movie night, a morning run, a call with a close friend.
When the holidays feel lonely
Not everyone spends the festive season surrounded by family. You might be working in Singapore far from your hometown, recently separated, estranged from relatives, or grieving someone whose empty seat at the reunion table is hard to ignore. When the whole country seems to be celebrating, loneliness can feel louder.
If this is you, plan ahead rather than waiting for the day to arrive. Ask a friend in the same situation to share a meal. Join a community or religious celebration where newcomers are welcome. Volunteer for a few hours. Call or video-call family abroad at a set time, so you have something to look forward to. Our article on coping with loneliness in a busy city has more ideas.
Grief deserves a mention too. If someone has passed away, it can help to include them on purpose: cook their favourite dish, share a story about them at dinner, or light a candle. Acknowledging the loss often feels better than pretending it isn't there.
Frequently asked questions
Is it okay to skip some family gatherings?
Yes. You can care about your family and still set limits. Explain kindly, offer another time to meet, and don't feel you have to justify yourself at length.
What if a relative keeps criticising me in front of others?
Stay calm and set a short, clear limit: “I'd rather not talk about this today.” If it continues, step away. It may also help to speak to a parent or sibling who can gently raise it with that relative.
Why do I feel low after the holidays end?
After weeks of build-up and busy days, the return to routine can feel flat. It usually passes within a week or two. Plan something small to look forward to, and get back to regular sleep and exercise.
Where can I get support if I feel very down during the festive season?
Talk to someone you trust, or reach national mindline 1771 at any hour by phone, WhatsApp or webchat. Samaritans of Singapore are on 1767, 24 hours a day, including public holidays. In an emergency, call 995.
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